Sunday, 2 July 2017

Tough Mama Days

Today is one of those days where I could quite happily fall asleep on this desk of my husbands.
Both boys have been poorly all week; the kind where all they want is to be held and cuddled and where the slightest thing sets off a good hour of tears. They're shivery, too hot, sad, grumpy, hungry, feeling sick, bored and watching people unwrap toys on repeat. It's the kind of week there just seems to be no end in sight; in truth they're not often poorly but it seems they've been storing it up until now!
Sometimes I feel like a person split into ten different pieces. Or maybe just ten types of mother. I want to be patient, nurturing, creative, supportive and still present to them both. I want to master cooking up nutritious meals and healthy snacks, fitting in swimming lessons and gymnastics. I want to be fit myself, go running again, tame my hair into some reasonable state, have nails that look at least presentable. I want to blog and take beautiful photos. 
At this moment all I am managing is making sure the people of this house eat food, have clean clothes and the bin actually gets put out.
But maybe that's enough? At this moment in time I can't do everything, but I can make sure the people that mean everything to me come first. The tasks that seem to be the most trivial are generally the most important when you look at the big picture. Although I can't bring myself to feel important at the moment it helps a little to see that I am needed. At 3 in the morning when someone's had a nightmare, when I'm the only person they want; when they need to sleep and only my arms will do; when they're hungry or grumpy or just want to be angry with someone. Something I've leaned since having our first is that with children everything is just a phase, a short period of time in their life. "This too shall pass" really is the truest statement. It's something I find myself repeating to myself a lot at the moment, because although the days seem long I know they're passing all too quickly, and one day they'll be the days I miss the most. Hearing "Mama" called out about ten thousand times a day is exhausting but it's not something I'll ever take for granted...


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